._____ ._____.._____.._____ | _ \ |__. || _ || _ \ | / / | | || | || / / | \ \_| | || _ || \ \_ |__|\__/|_____||__|__||__|\__/ Beware of German imitations! The REAL scene mag Sun Sep 05 1993 Volume 1 : Number 02 ISSN 2004-062Z Editor: Lord Bellend KIMBLE'S TRUE IDENTITY REVEALED Date: Tue, 24 Aug 93 04:32:02 PDT From: Roar Reporter Subject: File 1--Kimble facts The Amiga scene was thrown into turmoil today, after Kimble's true identity was revealed by a German trader. Allegedly, he is none other than Gloria Estefan, famous Hispanic pop singer. However, the revelation came on the day that 1319 other German traders made similar "Kimble" claims. Axe of Mystic named Kimble as being personally responsible for the Gulf War, Cot Death, Venereal Disease, Kidney Failure and Crack addiction. "I know he is definitely the cause of Global Warming", claimed Tom, the Nazi skinhead football hooligan, and sysop of the elite 20-node German BBS 'Toms Dinner'. "He was the driver of the car who ran over my Grandmother", he added. Allegations that Kimble was the father of AFL leader Sabine's illegitimate love-child were today refuted by JFK. In an interview with Skol of Anthrox he said, "She only has eyes for my small penis". "My dog died after Kimble stroked it," added Mok of Ministry Bjorn A. Lynne was unavailable for comment. *************************************************************************** MELON DESIGN - BREAKING THE MOULD Date: Wed, 25 Aug 93 13:21:41 PDT From: Bananasoft Subject: File 2--Melon Design - Breaking the mould News reached us today that the scenes most original group - Melon Design - are working on their third in a trilogy of totally original productions. In an exclusive interview with Bananasoft - Melon`s top coder - he told us; "First we took the scene by storm with 'The Romantic demo', this had a very original concept of playing a module, showing a picture and running a scroller - A Melon first!" "Then came our "Yvonne2" intro, this broke the mold a second time, we had spent many months developing the routine which we are very proud of - a vector cube!", he continued. "Coming shortly is the most original routine ever to hit the Amiga screens, a 16x16 1 pixel sine scroller in one frame! We are expecting a huge response from this!" Look out for it, coming soon! *************************************************************************** HYDRO BUYS NEW MITTENS Date: Thu, 26 Aug 93 23:57:28 PDT From: ATX HQ Subject: File 3--Hydro buys mittens Hydro has bought a new pair of mittens from 'Littlewoods'. They are has favourite colour, Blue! "They where on special offer, only $1.49 a pair" he said earlier today. "They have a nice picture of a Llama on the palm of each mitten, I find this very calming." "And they are joined together with a piece of wool, which is very useful, as I keep losing one when I go to see Manx", He added. When we asked if he was to buy any more this week he replied "No comment" More Hydro news as it happens. *************************************************************************** D-MAN AND MICHAEL JACKSON - LINK Date: Fri, 27 Aug 93 08:12:45 PDT From: Trekkin' Tobi! Subject: File 4--D-Man/Michael Jackson link? D-Man, leader of Combat 18, has denied allegations that he is suffering from the same rare skin disorder as pop superstar, Michael Jackson. The skin disorder - said to affect the colouring of the skin making it white - is alleged to have allowed D-Man to enter the UK under a fake Polish passport and conceal his true West Indian identity. The claim was made by Tobias Richter, known for his incredible ray-traced Star Trek animations. "My suspicions were first aroused when I was approached by D-Man, he requested me to create a ray-traced animation of Lieutenant Uhuru", he said. "He threatened that if I told anyone about his request he would format my answering machine." A Roar reporter attempted to contact the United Kingdom immigration office, but unfortunately his Calling Card - purchased earlier that afternoon from Bug Bomber - died as soon as they connected. Bernard Crosshouse, leader of the Klu Klux Klan, was unavailable for comment. *************************************************************************** ANTHROX - THE FAKE GROUP! Date: Sat, 28 Aug 93 03:09:03 PDT From: Manx/ATX Subject: File 5--Anthrox Fake Group In an exclusive interview with Roar, Radar of Anthrox revealed the full story behind the 'Soccer Kid' fake release. "We hate being left behind, it makes Hydro cry", he said today. "So we DMS`ed some old data disks and claimed they where 'Soccer Kid'. "We really try to keep up with Paradox, Skid Row, Crystal and Fairlight, but to be honest we are just too sad." "The truth is that the only productive members are Skol and Groo, but they like to release their productions under their own names, they understand our lameness and hate to be associated with us. That means we have to fake releases." "We almost got away with our 'Alien 3' fake, but it was noticed. I think our best fake was a SEUCK game, Manx bought that from 17 Bit, I think that`s where Digital get their PD titles from too!" Look out for more Anthrox fakes soon! *************************************************************************** CHILD MOLESTING ALLEGATIONS Date: Sun, 29 Aug 93 23:45:05 PDT From: Universal Soldier Subject: File 6--Universal Soldier In a week when the Michael Jackson child-molesting allegations broke, self- styled BBS hacker Universal Soldier in a surprise statement to the scene announced the truth about pop superstars Mick Jagger and David Bowie, plus Movie tough-guy Clint Eastwood. "They touched my bottom", he said. "It was while I was downloading from Secom City BBS, they took it in turns." "And their always doing it." he added. "So did Big Bird off Sesame Street." "I`ve told my dad, but he just shouts 'Shut up Mario and keep sucking.'" he continued. "I think their just jealous, they all want to be elite hackers like me." When the Roar staff suggested he was talking from an orifice of his body not normally associated with verbal communication he started to suck his thumb. His last words where "I'll format your textmag with a wordprocessor, probably with a left-hand margin if 5 or so." We have been warned! *************************************************************************** MORE MENTAL HANGOVER NEWS Date: Mon, 30 Aug 93 08:25:53 PDT From: Roar Reporter Subject: File 7--Mental Hangover II Today the programming on Mental Hangover II was halted, for Slayer to use the toilet! "I just had to go," he said, "There was no way I could hold on any longer!" We put it to Slayer that this was going to halt the production of his demo. "Its just not true," he replied, "I was only there for 2 or three minutes, lots of programmers use the toilet, and their productions still come out on time!" Mental Hangover II is due for release in spring 1995! *************************************************************************** IS NOSFERATU FAIR? Date: Tue, 31 Aug 93 18:52:01 PDT From: Nosferatu`s dog Subject: File 8--Sargor Deleted! Earlier this week Sargor was deleted from Dance Macabre, for crashing the BBS, this was surprising as he was their top uploader! Sargor released a file questioning Nosferatu`s - The sysop of Dance Macabre - fairness. The Roar team decided to investigate this further, just how fair is he? Is Nosferatu a nice guy? We asked some famous sysops to comment; Major Theft - Sysop of Unlawful Entry - explained to a Roar reporter; "Nosferatu is a really cool guy, he once uploaded a file to my BBS, I think it was 2 years ago, but it proves he is a cool guy." Rotor - Sysop of Gates of Asguard - told us "This guy is cool, he once gave his mother flowers on her birthday, admittedly he made her pay for them, but its the thought that counts isn't it? The Professor - Sysop of Ice Station Zebra - added, "I like this guy, I remember a time he did something nice, I can`t remember what or when it was, but it was a real cool thing to do! Wintermute - Sysop of Martyrium - told us "I once saw him wearing a red dress and matching high heels, he looked pretty good to me! Nuisance - Sysop of Nirvana - continued, "He can be harsh sometimes, I remember a time he deleted someone for logging on! But overall I`d say he is a real fair person." So there we have it, Sargor has blown the whole episode out preportion. Nosfaratu is a fair person, and that`s official! *************************************************************************** BOXING KITARO Date: Wed, 01 Sep 93 09:43:15 PDT From: Rotox Subject: File 9--Boxing Kitaro Many traders have been wondering what happened to Kitaro of Fairlight, his recent absence of calls to many elite boards is noticeable to say the least. We investigated this and it lead us to Splatterhouse BBS, to interview Splatt!, UK leader of Fairlight. "OK, i`ll come clean," he said. "Many guys have noticed that I hate Kitaro, in fact this is probably an understatement! Two weeks ago I sneaked into his bedroom and cut off his arms and legs with an axe. Now I keep him in a box by the side of my computer!" "If he behaves I let him call a couple of boards, using a pencil I fastened to the middle of his forehead to dial with. Admittedly this isn`t a lot of fun for Matthew, but I find it rather amusing! "Does anyone want to buy a Hard Drive" Splatt! added, "Fairlight picked it up at the extremely sad Destiny party, but it needs a special kind of power supply, so i`m selling it real cheap, we have some keys to the party- building too, if anyone`s interested!" *************************************************************************** ROAR STATEMENT Date: Sun, 05 Sep 93 14:20:09 PDT From: Roar Team Subject: File 12--More Roar I think my first issue made some impact, so much that a fake version came out! The fake appears to come from Germany, I recognise the 'German- English'. Although I`m not from England, I do my best to use good English, and I`m told its very acceptable. Message to the fakers: If your going to copy me, USE YOUR OWN NAME, NOT MINE! I liked the D-Man article, the other two appeared somewhat rushed. Also as I said above, your English needs improving. A friend is working on some code for me to make this a mini-diskmag! That means its harder for lamers to fake! Look out for the next issue of ROAR coming in two weeks, we are looking for some cool asciis, so Ascii artists please add them to your collections, thanx in advance. If you want to write for this mag, contact me, you know who I am if you are truly elite! Traders snap this description; ._____ ._____.._____.._____ | _ \ |__. || _ || _ \ | / / | | || | || / / | \ \_| | || _ || \ \_ |__|\__/|_____||__|__||__|\__/ The REAL scene Magazine! Beware of lame imitations! Issue 1:02 09:03:93 [Hell] EOF. THIS FILE WAS DOWNLOADED FROM: ________ _______ ____ _____ _______ / __/ \_ \ | \| _/ / __/ Node 1: +46 (0)554-12133 / ___/__ / \| |Mb/ __/___ Node 2: +46 (0)*PRIVATE* / \_ | / _/| \ | / \_ | USR 16.8 DS 57.6 KBps LOCK / _/ |/ \__ \_ \ |/ _/ | A3000 with PP&S 25MHz 68040 \____\ ___\_____||_____/ |\___|\____\ ___| 1 GIG MAXTOR PHANTOM HD \/ _|____|__ ________\/ ____ _____ _______ \______ \\_ \ | \| _/ / __/ SYSOP: CHUCKY | _|/ / / \| | / __/___ COSYSOPS: CORE | \__ \/ _/| \ | / \_ | SKALMAN | |/ \ \__ \_ \ |/ _/ | JETFIRE |________/____||_____/__|\___|\____\ ___| _ \/ >< - |RADE WORLD HEADQUARTERS 11 Kicking conferences like ELITE, *GRAFFITI*, Hardware, Modules, X-rated One of the BIGGEST Collections of MODULES N' X-rated online. etc etc. REGISTERED /X 3.x USER This file was uploaded to GangBang at 05-Sep-93 15:05:04